


take a hold of me

by lafcentric (readytobebolder)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Caduceus Clay/Fjord preestablished relationship, Canon Non-Binary Character, Canon Trans Character, Explicit Sexual Content, Graphic Description of Blood Elements, Hanahaki Disease Elements, Molly is alive, Other, Paladin Fjord, Revived, TWIN TEALEAFS, The Mighty Nein Missed Molly, Xhorhaus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-18 18:56:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21281633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readytobebolder/pseuds/lafcentric
Summary: Fjord gets a message as they're about to rest in Rosohna, after the defeat against Obann."Fjord, my name is Lucien. I have Mollymauk with me. We are in the Evening Nip in Zadash. Come at once. They are alive again."
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord, Caduceus Clay/Fjord/Mollymauk Tealeaf, Caduceus Clay/Mollymauk Tealeaf, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Fjord
Comments: 8
Kudos: 88





	take a hold of me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!
> 
> Some of you might know me, some might not but I think we can all have a shared experience of actually really trying to do NaNoWriMo. This year I'm doing the comfort piece I always wanted to do and since I'm all caught up on CR, I thought I'd gladly write this.
> 
> Warning for extreme sadness before the comfort, though. And if any of you wants to know, this fic is based on a song called Meet Me In the Woods by Lord Huron. It's a very good song that I think fits very well with Caduceus' vibe and Fjord's and Molly's relationship.

"_Fjord, my name is Lucien. I have Mollymauk with me. We are in the Evening Nip in Zadash. Come at once._ _They are alive again._"

Fjord jerks out of his chair, falling to the floor noisily, and the Mighty Nein all turn to look at him. The half-orc is speechless for a moment, eyes wide, his chest feeling tight.

"Fjord?" Beau questions slowly, cautiously, her hand moving to gently touch his shoulder as she crouches next to him. "Buddy? You alri -"

"I just - got a message. L-like one of Jester's, I'm - I guess," he stutters out, eyes still wide, heartbeat on his throat, ribcage too small for his lungs.

They expand, contract, yet there's not enough oxygen. Fjord feels like a skitterish critter, like Jester's damn pet, his hands trembling. It feels like he's drowning again and he  _ hates _ it. He wishes Caduceus were here and not communing with their Wildmother. He wishes his partner would hold him as he struggles not to weep out of frustration.

"A message? From who?" Nott asks, frowning, leaving her flask on her small lap. Fjord can hear the liquid slosh inside and once again he's reminded of the panic flooding his airway. "Fjord?"

"You don't look so good, Fjord," Jester murmurs, concern flashing across her face, kneeling beside him and feeling his forehead.

"What did the message say?" Caleb asked, frowning at him, always so quiet.

"The -" the paladin swallowed, throat still dry from the fight in the Savalierwood, the defeat against that damned demon. "It - was Lucien."

There is a deafening silence following that statement, Beau's hand falling off his shoulder and face turning slack, eyebrows raised, mouth furled into a frown. He can tell she's angry and he doesn't know if she's about to slap him or turn the table over.

" _ What _ ?" She hisses, low and menacing.

"Lucien as in - as in Molly's old - body thing? Person?" Nott blinks, baffled, looking between Beau's infuriated face and Fjord's pale one.

"I - he -" Fjord sits up a bit, hands moving to run through his hair, grasping some of his growing strands, breathing quietly. "They - fuck,  _ fuck _ , they said they have Molly. That they're alive. That - that they're at the Evening Nip in Zadash."

"Bullshit!" Beau spits. "Molly's dead, we buried them, if that  _ fucker _ is Lucien, then they can't be Molly! It makes no fucking sense!"

"Calm down, calm down," Caleb quickly tells Beau, his hand sliding over her shoulder, squeezing, but the monk shrugs off his hold and storms to the other side of the kitchen. "This is very obviously a trap."

"A trap?" Fjord breathes, laughing a bit hysterically, high-pitched. "For - for what reason? Lucien does not know us, right? For them to send me a message, they - they have to have had someone describe me!"

"Maybe -" Jester winces. "I - what if Molly's inside that body? What if Lucien is, too, and they're two souls trapped inside the same body and Molly’s suffering and -”

“Jester, don’t you fucking -” Beau chokes out, then shoves her knuckles between her teeth, biting. Fjord stares at the piece of Molly’s coat binding her hair together, up, the colors unmatched by any other he’s seen. Sometimes he forgets how colorful they were and then he closes his eyes and he wishes he could dream of them, if only to hear their crowing laugh. Feel their touch. See their face. 

He can barely remember the warmth of their hands.

"We need to go," Jester states firmly, her eyes shiny and it breaks Fjord's heart, seeing her as vulnerable as they were inside the hideout, in the grasp of the Iron Shepherds. "We need to  _ go _ !"

"Jester, it's fake! It's a fucking trap!" Beau tells her, still facing the stone wall of the kitchen.

"You don't know that for sure! Molly could be there and you'd be ignoring them!" She replies, tears now running down her chubby cheeks and Fjord steps in as Beau finally whips around and shouts at Jester, for the very first time.

"THEY'RE DEAD, JESTER!  _ DEAD _ !" 

"Calm  _ down _ !" Fjord pushes Beau away, giving her a surprised look until he sees the moisture in her eyes as well. "What's  _ wrong _ with you, Beau? Don't shout at Jester."

He turns to the blue tiefling and his heart breaks as he sees her face crumbling, her hands gripping Fjord's arm as she looks at Beau, who is back to staring at the wall.

"You may think they're dead but -" she is hiccuping, crying, her eyes so sad, Fjord feels atrocious. "but I won't give up! I won't let this chance go! I don't care if it's a trap and if I have to go alone, I will! I'll - I'll go by foot! Just me and the Traveler! And you can stay here and do nothing!"

"Jester, wait -!" Beau tries but the cleric runs off, upstairs, passing by Caduceus who looks startled at the display, eyes watching every member of his group. Fjord feels some weight lift off his chest as he sees his partner.

"What's going on here?" He asks quietly, calmly, like he always does, stepping forward.

"We're going to Zadash," Fjord replies, watching him before turning to look at Beau's shaking shoulders. "And you're going to apologize."

"Shut up, I know, I know I was an asshole," she whispers, frown burrowed, looking so angry and frustrated.

"Hey," Fjord tells her, nudging Beau's arm but she doesn't look up so he presses a hand to her shoulder. "We'll be prepared, if it's a trap. Okay? Just - let's try and calm down. I understand how you feel."

"You don't know how I feel," she retorts, trying to brush his hand away but Fjord takes her other shoulder as well and fully turns her to him.

"You weren't the only one that lost them, okay?" He says to her, a bit frustrated at her attitude. "Now you go and apologize to Jester for yelling at her. She's already feeling awful about Yasha."

" _ Scheiße _ ," Caleb breathes into his sleeve as he watches Beau trudging up the stairs to look for Jester, eyes still shining. "Do you think -"

"I don't know what to think and, frankly, I don't  _ want _ to think," Fjord looks over at Caleb, then at Nott, and finally at Caduceus. "I… I got a message. From - not our lost friend but uh, apparently their - I - it's a bit confusing…"

"That's alright," Caduceus says, giving him a reassuring smile before his hand - firm and warm and wide and reassuring - presses against the small of Fjord's back, the half-orc feeling tension bleed out of his body at the gesture, eyes shutting as he breathes in.

It always like this, everytime Caduceus touches him. As if the cleric could pull him out of the deepest waters and empty his lungs. Fjord feels like he can breathe again and immediately he notices his anxiety leave him.

"What if it isn't a trap?" Nott asks into the quiet of the room, once everyone has gone silent.

Caleb looks uncomfortable and almost horrified at the thought, and Fjord stares at the mage while his fingers shake. The paladin can't bring himself to - to even  _ think _ of what he'd do if Molly were alive, if they were… here.

It's been a year. Flowers don't bloom quite the same, he's found.

"Then we celebrate," Caleb attempts a little smile but Nott is still frowning.

"Being dead for so long has to like, have consequences, right?" The goblin turns to Caduceus. "Right, Deucy?"

"Hmm?" He turns to her and blinks before registering what she said. "Oh! Right, yes, it does have consequences. But it varies in people. I'd have to take a look at them to see what they've going on."

"That's a good idea,  _ ja _ ," Caleb nods, speaking quietly.

"We can't… confirm that it's not a trap, though, so let's keep our eyes peeled and our hopes low," Fjord reminds them, when truly he's saying it to himself, leaning a bit further into Caduceus' and his heart jumps as he feels the firbolg's hand sliding to grip his waist. 

"We can let ourselves hope a bit, right?" Caleb says, almost meek, his tired eyes quickly looking away from Fjord's. 

"Just a little bit," Fjord sighs, then rubs his face. "Let's rest. And as soon as we're awake -"

Before he can finish his sentence, there's a ruckus on the stairs, and Jester appears with her haversack and coat, ready to go, Beau behind her. The monk is quiet and she has a frown on her face but she says nothing as Jester states at the rest of the group.

"So?" She huffs, hands on her hips. "Let's  _ go _ , we've no time to waste!"

"I tried to convince her otherwise," Beau mumbles, arms crossed, and only then does Fjord notice Dairon on the back, looking uncomfortable but ready to go. “She won’t be convinced and I’d rather she didn’t fall headfirst into a trap, y’know?”

“Of course,” Caduceus says, smiling slowly, making Beau look away quickly.

“So ah, we’re doing this? Right now?” Caleb swallows hard, eyes hard, fidgeting with his scarf and glancing over at Fjord, then Beau, then finally Jester. “Jester, I don’t have much else to go with, just… just a few more spells.”

“I know. But I know Molly’s alive. I know it’s not a trap - trust me, you guys!” she presses, eyes looking wet and wide and desperate. She looks so convinced and Fjord wishes he had half the hope she does, half the enthusiasm. If it’s not Molly and it’s just Lucien, Fjord doesn’t know how he’ll take it. It’s been too hard on the Mighty Nein to think of them. “Please?”

“I’m trusting you,” Beau replies with a mumble, nudging her. “Now come on, Widogast. Let’s go.”

“I’ve only got this one to travel back to Zadash, and only because I rested a bit,” Caleb sighs, standing, rubbing his face a bit. “So don’t expect me to do much else after it.”

“We’ll rent a room and rest - with Molly! Even celebrate!” Jester tells Caleb, her expression open and happy. Fjord just keeps feeling a sense of dread, a hole in his stomach getting wider and wider the happier Jester looks. 

If it’s not Molly, it’ll kill her.

“Let’s go,” Nott breaks the silence that follows Jester’s claim and the Mighty Nein move back to the innards of the city of Rosohna. 

The guards are very used to them by now, and part their weapons as they all enter the teleportation circle, but Fjord feels like all of them are walking into doom. He feels the tendrils of anxiety and desperation already crawling around his heart and breathing gets a bit harder every time he attempts to slow down his lungs, hands fidgeting -

Caduceus’ big hand engulfs his and Fjord exhales deeply and loudly, eyes falling shut, his body leaning against the firbolg’s. With that, the anxiety dissipates little by little and he buries his nose against the plating of his armor, smelling of earth and lichen and tea leaves. Today he smells of green tea and it makes him smile a bit, his heart giving a jump.

“Hey,” Caduceus whispers, mouth against his hair. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Fjord tries to say, it comes out strangled, and he makes a whining noise. “No. But I think I can be, as long as you’re close to me?”

“Sounds good to me,” the cleric chuckles and Fjord wishes he could just kiss him in front of everyone but… but he’d be teased endlessly. He knows. So he thinks of maybe sneaking more than a few kisses later.

“Alright, this is done!” Caleb calls. “Are you all ready?!”

The Mighty Nein all nod and Caleb lifts his hands, full of arcane energy, making one last effort to activate it. The runes all burst into light and with a deep breath, Fjord walks straight through it, hand still in Caduceus’, everyone following after him.

There’s the spin, that woozy feeling, the pull on their stomachs and suddenly Fjord feels goosebumps all over his body, landing on the Cobalt Soul’s reserve. There’s screaming, and Beau’s trying to calm someone down but Jester is running and Fjord is right after her, his hand slipping from Caduceus’, his heart back on his throat, beating a black darkness into his bloodstream.

“Jester!” he calls, and he hears her sob, uncaring of the students and professors watching her. “JESTER!”

“I’m coming, Molly!” she calls as she bursts out of the building and Fjord swallows once, twice, trying for a third because there’s a fucking  _ knot _ in his throat and he can’t seem to get it out, to swallow it down, and it’s not Uk’otoa but it’s the emptyness that carved a place between his lungs when they all planted a grave on a snowy hill and told themselves it was alright.

“I see it, I see it!” Jester calls, voice breaking as the Evening Nip comes into view and Fjord isn’t even sure if the rest are following, they know the way, they know where to go, Gods _ damn it _ , they do, and Fjord isn’t even worried about traps anymore because he can see a familiar figure at the door, waiting. “It’s Molly! IT’S MOLLY!”

It’s not Molly.

Fjord has a good vision, and despite the lavender skin, the familiar horns, the build and the flowy open shirt… it’s not Molly. It’s not colorful. It - they don’t have tattoos or jewels or a  _ smirk _ as they dare Fjord to come closer, to speak louder, to venture into open water as their mouth touches his between the sheets and laughs when it’s all over, nudging him playfully.

“ _ MOLLY _ !” Jester sobs loudly, gathering the attention of the people passing and Fjord is about to summon his sword when -

Another person steps out of the tavern. And Fjord almost skids to a halt, his breath knocked out, seeing peacock feathers and wide red eyes and the jewels full of gravedirt and a scar in the middle of their exposed chest and a smile as Jester almost trips in front of them.

Jester reaches Molly and throws herself at them, crying loudly, her face against their neck and Molly holds her closer with their tattooed arms, their chipped, painted talons, that heart-shaped tail Fjord loves so much entwining with hers.

“Molly! Molly, I’m so sorry!” she cries and the person behind them both steps aside and chuckles, rolling their eyes a little. Fjord is confused but he can feel his eyes watering as he’s coming close and he  _ does not care  _ at all. “We - we thought - we thought you were gone for good and I - I couldn’t - I’m so sorry!” 

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” they rasp out, voice basically gone. Maybe being dead for a year will do that to you. Fjord is coming closer and he can feel his steps faltering and the hole is still there but it’s flooding with every emotion he’s buried six feet under alongside a tiefling he didn’t know would carve him open under the moon every night until a fateful winter. 

Jester pulls away, but only minimally, probably so Fjord can approach, and she laughs tearfully as Molly says something but Fjord’s blood is roaring in his ears and he can barely listen to his own thoughts. He finally reaches them, two steps away, and Molly gives him a tired but happy look.

“Hey, Fj -”

The paladin grasps their shoulder and pulls them to his chest, choking out a sob, Molly’s warmth a bit subdued but still  _ there _ , still the same it’s ever been. Molly’s saying something but he just - he can’t - he  _ can’t _ -

“I’m so sorry,” he sobs out, his arms tight around the tiefling, nose burying into their curls, so long now, his other arm sliding around their small waist. “I’m so  _ fucking _ sorry, Molly, I’m so sorry, I’m  _ sorry _ , I heard you, we heard you, you were  _ dying _ -”

“Fjord - Fjord, my love -”

“I’m sorry!”

“Fjord!”

Gentle talons grip his face and Fjord’s eyes go wide as he looks down at their face. They’ve got eye bags, their complexion is pale, their eyes seem so exhausted but they’re  _ here _ and Fjord gives out another pathetic whining noise.

“I’m right here now, none of that matters anymore,” Molly promises, their voice so sweet, so real, right  _ here _ . Fjord’s hands shake. “Your hair… it’s longer,” they smile softly, touching it gently and he wants to  _ weep _ . “You look good, my l -”

“Hey, there’s a lot of people watching,” the other tiefling, a carbon copy of Molly but without the tattoos, the hair, the jewels, speaks. Fjord’s instinct is to step close to Jester, Molly still in his arms, but the tiefling doesn’t seem to give two shits about him. “How about we go inside?”

“Yeah, we should,” Molly rasps a bit, nodding. “Let’s go in? I need… I need to sit down, Lu.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah! Of course!” Jester presses, arms moving around Molly’s so she can help them in and Fjord swallows with a little frown, looking at the streets. He can see Frumpkin rushing to them but not the rest of the Mighty Nein. They’ll catch up. He’s sure of it.

For now, he holds a piece of his world in his hands. And it feels like enough.


End file.
